For the Man… Thoughts and Perspectives…
The First Meeting is the most important article I have ever written. It is also the most read of all my articles written over the past twelve years. Read it carefully and increase your odds of creating a real relationship dramatically.
The first time you actually come and meet a lady in a foreign land, what should you plan for?. What should you expect? How should you act? What should you say?
How do you speak to her in another language? Should you meet her alone or with a friend or interpreter? Should I show her photos of my stuff? Should I give her an expensive gift? What should we do together at the first meeting? What kind of flowers would she like?
The first time we meet, should we kiss, shake hands or hug? And last…… Confusing emotions and feelings with words before we meet face to face…….. There are too many subjects to try and cover here including culture, table manners, superstitions, drinking alcohol, which hand to toast with and why, who should pour, what not to do, meeting her family, offensive statements, joking, teasing and more.
Be very careful in these areas of conduct. They can cause a great deal of misunderstanding and more.
Knowledge Builds Strength and Confidence…
There are many questions and uncertainties the very first time you meet any woman face to face, but that first hello with a woman born and raised in Ukraine will truly be a life experience you won’t forget.
Here is this pretty girl who you’ve written to, spoke to on the phone, chatted with, watched each other on video, sent text messages and more……… Finally, you found the time and reason to come and visit a woman in a foreign land. For the men who are doing this for this first time, it can be a real Life Adventure!
But, like anything else that we do in life, there are a few details to know beforehand to help make your adventure a success. Empower yourself with knowledge and you will learn that anything in life is possible……..
Establishing Honesty in Not An Option…
As in any relationship; personal or business, a foundation of honesty needs to be established. This applies to both men and women. If you’re communicating with a woman over the Internet living just down the street or around the world, determining a persons honesty is just about impossible.
Trust and honesty are earned by actions and deeds with a great deal of time. Sometimes years, sometimes minutes. Communicating on the Internet with trust takes a gigantic leap of faith in the person you are communicating with. It’s the same for the first meeting and the days that follow for both of you.
The need to establish honesty and trust is not an option. It’s the difference between success and failure in everything we do.
The First Meeting Ten Years Ago…
The thoughts you are about to read are from my experiences in life spanning 66 years. I will also share the experiences of many others who write me daily and meet us in person in Nikolaev, Ukraine.
It was over twelve years ago when I decided to begin searching for the woman of my dreams; thank God she found me! Her name is Larisa. We live life to the fullest while we enjoy each day together teaching English and helping friends around the world. After we met on the Internet and communicated for 4 months, we met face to face at the Odessa airport in April, 2007.
I remember that first meeting like it was minutes ago. If I could go back in time, I would only wish that I knew then, what I know today…..
Conversation is Ask, Answer and Ask…
The first time you meet face to face, just be yourself. Don’t worry about anything but what you want to say. Keep it simple and plan to just find a level of comfort as you both make eye contact and get to know each other.
The lady you are coming to meet will be nervous, just like you. She will be just as concerned, worried and nervous as you. That’s a good thing. Try to stay away from subjects that are too complicated. Save that for another day. Think about subjects you both have in common.
Ask, answer and ask. I teach conversation skills everyday to students learning English. As you ask and she answers, listen to her answers and choose a few key word subjects. Again, ask, answer and ask. It’s also a good idea to write yourself a few thoughts about what you might discuss.
Subjects like the movies, food, travel and jobs are probably something you discussed or wrote about before you met in person. Ask about things to do in her city. What are the sights she has never had the chance to see or visit?
Now the Clock Starts Over…
Be very aware of physical contact and her reaction. You two have just met for the first time and even simple things like holding hands might feel awkward. Remember that getting to know someone takes time.
It’s possible to have that chemistry from the very beginning, but the odds are that real chemistry will not materialize the first day or two. You will both be getting to know each other little by little. Don’t be in a hurry to prove anything.
The first few days is a time for both of you to get to learn each other. The fact that you both met and communicated long distance might mean very little when you actually meet in person.
Communicating from a distance is a way to get to know some things about each other, but it’s impossible to actually get to know the other as a person until you meet face to face and spend time together. The reality is that when two people meet in person even after communicating long distance for months, THE CLOCK STARTS OVER!
Language Difference, It’s not that tough…
Language difference can be a hindrance or a good thing. Look at it like the glass is halfway full instead of halfway empty. Consider the fact that many couples who speak the same language can’t communicate and struggle to find common ground daily. Consider that most divorces begin and end with poor communication.
Sharing your thoughts, feelings and more with a woman who speaks another language, can be a real life adventure if you let it. Larisa and I didn’t speak the same language when we first met. We both decided to learn each others language although Larisa is way ahead of me on that one.
Trust me, learning Russian will be the second toughest thing you will ever do. We have never used an Interpreter. From the start, Larisa and I agreed that we would use an Electronic Translator to help us communicate.
There is a lot more to this. Just remember that it takes two to Tango and two to have a conversation that makes sense. Take one step at a time and you will soon speak the same language.
Finally, The First Meeting…
Meeting face to face for the very first time should be done with an Interpreter or a friend of the lady you are meeting. This is for many reasons. Just remember that after the first meeting, both of you can decide to meet alone or with help.
If you meet alone, it’s a good idea to use an Electronic Translator and have a phone handy to contact a friend just in case something needs clarification. If you do need an Interpreter, just remember to speak directly to the lady you came to meet, not directly to the Interpreter.
Many men and women make the mistake of speaking to the Interpreter and telling her to tell the other what I said sort of routine. A good Interpreter will give you instructions before you have too much to say and translate exactly what you are trying to say.
There are occasions where the Interpreter will offer advice to you. This is OK as long as it is limited in time and scope.
Photos and The First Gift……
Meeting a woman for the first time will give you both plenty to discuss. Leave the photos at home or your hotel room. A real woman will just want to get to know you for who you are, not what you own.
Showing off your home and automobiles will often send a mixed signal to the lady. She might think you are bragging or trying to convince her that you have stuff that she might like instead of just liking you.
Often, a woman can be resentful and feel inferior to you because you have a lot of things that she doesn’t. If you decide to show her your stuff anyway, do it later down the road and definitely, not the first time you meet. Gifts should always be simple and inexpensive.
A gift with a maximum value of about twenty dollars or so, like a souvenir from home, possibly a pair of earrings should do the trick. It’s not what you give her, it’s the fact that you remembered her.
Flowers and A Box of Chocolates…
Giving her flowers and a box of chocolates is also a great way to show you care for that first meeting. Remember that a simple box of chocolates from your hometown will most likely be something new to her.
Flowers can also be a nice way to say hello for the first time. Any flowers would be nice, but roses are usually the flowers of choice. Three or five would be a good number to start with, red or pink is fine.
Remember to always give odd numbers. Even numbered bouquets symbolize death or a funeral. One red rose is fine after you have met a few times and you both know there is chemistry between you. One red rose symbolizes love, so only give her one rose if you are sure she is the one.
Pleased to meet you…
Meeting for the first time should be respectful and sincere. In most cases, a simple handshake and hello is the best way to introduce yourself for the first time. Do not over do it by insisting on a kiss or hug the very first time.
If you’ve communicated for some time before you met her face to face, often a person can have feelings or emotions that somehow seem real. This can be the first indication that you are one of the lucky ones or your sixth sense just kicked in. It’s best to reserve any emotions or feelings that you might have.
Take it slow and if both of you make it past the first meeting, anything is possible.
Want to know more? We would like to help you. Remember that each person is different. Every situation requires a unique perspective. No two people share the identical circumstances. If you are planning to be successful and find your angel, create a plan that works.