Receiving and answering letters daily takes a lot of time and effort. These days, I can’t reply to every letter but, I try to answer the most important letters sent to me. This letter from John was sent a few years ago but, it is still pertinent. Take some time and read John’s letter with answers. Enjoy!
I have been reading your website for about 4 hours now and have found a lot of good information. I do have a request for services, but I want to also give you the story of why I would like to use your translator service! Please feel free to post it on your forum.
Well I am a 40 year old man and not bad looking with a good job. I have found that the women in the US have lost all traditional values among other things. Well I am newly divorced but was separated for a very long time. I wanted to get back into dating and was not looking for women more than 50 miles from where I live!
I joined several dating sites with no luck. In that time I found that a lot of women from outside of the USA use locations from the US as there home listing on dating sites. Please let your readers be aware of this!
Well, in my search I got contacted by one of my match’s (Not on Match dot com) and she is from Nikolaev Ukraine. I didn’t think much of it and did a short reply about her being real! Well after about a month of emailing though the dating site we decided to see where things could go between us. So we closed our dating sites to see where things will go!
I want to remind your readers that education is the key to being safe when talking to and dating girls from out of the country. During our time on the dating site I started to research all I could about dating outside of the USA. I started to learn as much as I could about the Ukraine culture!
I do not speak Russian and she speaks no English, but I am taking Russian courses! I have only made a few small mistakes in communicating with her but only because I educated myself before hand! If I would have not done my home work I would have made some big mistakes. I may not have been writing this today!
We are now in a committed relationship on-line which takes a level of trust that I can not even describe! I even sent her a camera (yes a gift over $20) and said it was ours not hers so she could take pictures of her life to share with me! I have also sent her flowers the first time was on Women’s day this year and one rose last week.
Now when you use a service to send gifts let your readers know that the easiest way to prove who you are talking to, is to have the gift delivered with picture or video taken on delivery! This was the proof that I got to know who I was talking to, just to protect myself. We also Skype about every three weeks, so I know who I am talking to and am going to meet.
Things have been going really well and I believe that good things can come form this relationship, and I feel she feels the same way. We do have an age difference, she is 28 and I am 40, but my rule of thumb is this ((AGE/2)+7) which may not work for everyone but it does work well from age 21 and up! Well through our communications we started to talk about me going to visit her, and after some research on cost she actually encourage me to not come, as to not spend the money!
I explained to her that the cost of dating a woman in the USA would add up to the trip cost over time so the cost didn’t bother me! She was OK with this and we set up a time frame that works best for her and her work! She is a Nurse in a state hospital in Nikolaev. Well I now have the plane tickets in hand and will be visiting for 9 days in August! Wish us luck, because I feel it will be and adventure!
So I will be arriving to my apartment on August 12th 2012 and would like to have a translator for a good part of the day on August 13th 2012 as long as her day off stays a day off, but you know how it goes with hours and state hospitals!
I feel it would be a good thing for the first meet and just to spend time getting to know one another looking around the city! If all goes well then to dinner with the interpreter as well. I do have an iPhone and have a really great app that I feel will be perfect for the rest of my time there!
We are only planning one night out and the other times we will be cooking in and by weeks end if she feels the same as she does now a dinner at her Granny’s house and one at her brothers house. I also would like to visit your school on the main street while there and in the future may look to other services offered by you for her! I am a Information Technology manager so who knows I may not want to leave and get a job there!
Thank You John
My Response to John…
Hi John, Thanks for writing.
I try to find a few minutes each week to post a few thoughts. I am glad you found some useful information. Be sure to contact me just before yo make it to Nikolaev so we can schedule an interpreter for you.
Your story sounds similar to mine starting out in 2006, however, one of the things I have learned from my experience is to never open and answer a letter sent to me first. Your situation is a little different.
Leaving a paid website can have a little of the good, bad and ugly. When you are using an international dating website, there are some protections you might want to know about.
First, all girls (even professional chatters and letter writers) get paid to chat with men everyday. They also use other ladies profiles without web-cam to chat and make money for herself, the agency and the website on many more than just one website.
Second, all ladies who use reputable paid websites, sign a contract. It says many things, including that a woman will never ask for money or gifts. If she does, I have known many men who have received massive refunds and credits. Of course, there is a lot more to this, just remember that once you communicate outside an agency and paid web site, you are on your own with no recourse if something goes sour. Personally, I would NEVER COMMUNICATE with any woman outside an agency and paid website before we have met at least once face to face.
You stated that she speaks no English. Why is that? What foreign language did she study at school? Have you asked her? All citizens of Ukraine are required to study at least one foreign language. Ninety percent study English.
You are obviously new to dating overseas. All girls who are sent a gift through a paid website or marriage agency, rarely take the gift. They always take the cash. The odds are, the photos you looked at are stock photos. Pick a color… any color and there you go. John’s letter with answers is full of interesting thoughts. Only purchase gifts through reputable companies, but never an agency. Half of the time, a girl is never even told she has been sent a gift. The agencies often forget and the gift is never delivered unless the lady asked…. WHAT HAPPENED!
If she says she doesn’t speak English, you need to find out if she is interested in taking English lessons. If she is willing, that is often a good thing. However, never pay her directly or through an agency or paid web site. This is not a request that she comes to our school. You can have her go anywhere. It just makes sense not to send money to someone you don’t know and have never met face to face.
You said you are using Skype every three weeks. Why is that? If you two are serious, why not speak with each other everyday? Even if she doesn’t speak English (which I seriously doubt) both of you will have a lot of fun. It’s not about the fact that you are speaking English, it’s more about the fact that you have taken the time to meet with her. Remember that people communicate many different ways. Only half or less of human communication is done with language.
Trust and honesty must be earned by time actions and deeds only after two people have met face to face and have spent time together. Ninety nine percent of all men who travel overseas to meet a Ukrainian woman with the hopes of building a lifelong loving relationship FAIL miserably. They fail to see what’s usually staring them right in the face.
Normally, I no longer have the time to reply in such detail. I wanted to take a little extra time today in the hopes that others will benefit from your search for true love and benefit from a few of my thoughts.
Also, International dating is just like playing rugby when the sport was first created. Unless you are both playing by the same rules, one is sure to lose the game and there will be more disagreements than you could possibly count. Searching for love isn’t a game, but dishonest ladies look at it exactly like that. A GAME WITH SPECIAL RULES…..
Just remember to keep your wallet closed and your eyes wide open.
Want to know more? We would like to help you. Remember that each person is different. Every situation requires a unique perspective. No two people share the identical circumstances. If you are planning to be successful and find your angel, create a plan that works.