Tommy and One Bad Apple….

Update! One Bad Apple 2020… It was over nine years ago. This article was written to help men understand that when a relationship fails, there was never a relationship. Tommy is in his 40’s. He is still alone. He has never married. He still sends threatening letters to Elena and her family. Elena is happily married to a decent Ukrainian man. In 2015, Elena wrote me asking if I would ask Tommy to stop harassing her and her family; I did. She sent me an email telling me that Tommy continues to send threatening letters to her and her family. Tommy works for The United States Government.

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Over the past eleven+ years, Bill and Larisa have helped hundreds better understand cross cultural relationships. One bad apple can ruin the entire bunch.

This is a letter I wrote to Tommy. A friend we helped to determine if the woman he was communicating with was honest. Over time and after teaching her English, Elena demonstrated her intentions to Tommy. Tommy was an interesting person.

I remember him telling me that he would be ruthless to Elena if she turned out to be lying. Sadly, she was living a lie for months while they communicated. Once Tommy traveled to Ukraine to meet her, he could clearly see her intentions. One bad apple is rotten.

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She is typical of girls at agencies getting paid big bucks to lie and steal from nice guys just searching for a real woman. Elena lured Tommy to Ukraine by making promises she had no intention of keeping.

Tommy was relentless. After he went back to the USA, he sent letters to all her neighbors, telling them where she worked and what she did to make money. Elena also scammed the website and agency she had gone to.

This is another trick girls play on foreigners everyday in Ukraine. This girl actually stole from the people paying her salary to scam men who came to meet her. Clearly, one bad apple.

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Hi Tommy,

I fully agree with you that it’s a great feeling to know that Elena is paying the price for what she did. As far as we can see, she’s not working at any agency or scamming anyone now. We’ll continue to keep our eyes open for Elena’s behavior at all the web sites we track for clients.

Tommy….. I think what’s important now is for you to move on. I’ve seen too many men come to Nikolaev, get scammed and continue to dwell on her and what happened for months on end. I realize how easy it is for this to consume a person. We get to see it first hand just about everyday in Nikolaev.

The bigger problem is what it’s doing to you, not….what you’ve accomplished by getting even. The longer you make her pay, the more time wasted for you. If you continue to spend time going after her, each day will force your life to stand still. You need to live your life, not hers. You need to take the knowledge you’ve learned and use it to help you with your search for a real woman.

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It should be obvious that her parents and family will stand with her long before they will with you, no matter what she did. Sending her parents letters makes a statement and it has made her look bad, without question.

You did what you wanted to do, you embarrassed her in the eyes of her family. She’ll be paying the price for a very long time. The best thing any man can do after being scammed, is to do his utmost to embarrass a girl in the eyes of her family and get her tossed off all web sites.

Since you got her kicked off all the web sites, she has no job. You’ve stopped her from scamming someone else, at least for the moment. Now it is time to move on. One bad apple is enough.

You’ve taken the time to do many of the same things to Elena as she did to you. She stole your money. She wasted your time. She lied to you repeatedly. She brought you to Ukraine under false pretenses.

She tried her best to scam you while you were in Nikolaev. She lied to the marriage agency and didn’t tell them that she was meeting you. She used a friend to act as the interpreter so she could scam you and stop the agency from making any money.

She lied to you when she said she had to go home, but she was actually online at Dream and who knows what other web sites scamming, scamming and scamming. All the time, making you waste your time just sitting at your flat waiting for her to meet with you. One bad apple has paid a hefty price.

There’s no question this girl is rotten. She has no moral ethics, she’s not honest at any level. She’s not afraid to steal from the marriage agency where she was working in chat.

She wasn’t afraid to ask you to buy her gifts while you were in Nikolaev. She screamed at you over the phone telling you to give her money. She lied to you about not speaking English and on and on and on.

Sadly, this story is more the norm than the exception. Good girls just don’t go to marriage agencies any longer. For all of them, it’s just a job. I hope something I said helped and that you move on to find the woman searching for you.

I can tell you that there are many serious, honest women in Nikolaev searching for a real man. You just need to know how to pick through the bad apples.